


The stupid lamb & The sick masochistic lion  (or the trauma which can result from abusive relationships)

by lasTwilartistas



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Age Difference, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Awesome Charlie, BadWard, Childhood Trauma, Drugs, Eventual Smut, Everybody is human, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Pride, Good Parent Charlie Swan, Healing, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jessicaisthemostsanepersonintheuniverse, M/M, Overdose, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pride, Protective Carlisle Cullen, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Seattleismorefun, Sekt, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Single Parents, Soulmates, Sporks, Struggling Millennials, Therapy, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This is not a joke, Trauma, TriggerWarning, Volturi, Work In Progress, carlisle is younger than in the books and movies, fishing in forks, italwaysrainsinforks, jacob is human, love is love, respect, the cullens are human, tweedlight, vampires are real, volturiareilluminati, volturiarerunningoursociety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasTwilartistas/pseuds/lasTwilartistas
Summary: A fanfiction that’s ten years too late: Combine the usual rain and pain of Forks with the “classic mysterious aspiring musician with a dark secret” trope and a young woman trying to find her way and mix in a pinch of gay pride. Let it stew for a few chapters… What could go wrong? Obviously: Everything.
Relationships: Billy Black/Charlie Swan, Carlisle Cullen/Bella Swan, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jasper Hale/Rosalie Hale, Leah Clearwater/Alice Cullen
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. Bing Me Back Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The World](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+World).



> After hate-rewatching all the Twilight Movies in a row, this is what dripped out of our heads. We are two young ambitious women from the the Western North (not too west we’re still in Europe) who are stuck in quarantine (sort of). Our cities in different countries are going to shit so we use this fanfiction piece of art as our creative therapy session.
> 
> Lean back and join this corona-induced Twilight meltdown! Enjoy!

Facing the house where she spent her high school years, Bella shuts the door to her orange pick-up truck. Although she’s visited a few times a year, the monthly weekends back in Forks quite quickly had turned into rare visits for Christmas and birthdays. She even chose to spend her last birthday home in Alaska. Home. She takes a deep breath and gets ready to unload the truck. Just before driving past the county border, Charlie had texted her telling her that he would get home later than he thought. At first she had been a bit disappointed, but at the same time she was quite relieved to get a couple of hours for herself, giving her time to unpack and settle in. Now, she has to admit to herself that she could’ve used her dad’s help with the bags. 

Not without struggle, Bella manages to get the enormous suitcase out of the car. Sure, she left some stuff for her roommates back in Alaska, but it’s almost magical how she could fit all her belongings in that one bag. Magical or maybe tragic? Shouldn’t her life take up more space? Is this what her life has become: a tacky plastic suitcase with a drawing of a werewolf howling at a full moon?

It wouldn’t be Forks if it wasn’t pouring and as soon as she enters the house she realises how cold her fingers are from the few minutes outside in the rain. Closing the door behind her, she gets ready to head to the kitchen to get herself a cup of warm tea, when all of a sudden:

“Surprise!!!”

And it sure is. She feels almost attacked by their happy faces and the party horns. The living room is filled with balloons and there’s a banner saying: Welcome home Bells, in her dad’s handwriting. Before she has time to say anything, he’s hugging her.

“I’m so happy you’re here”, he says embracing her tightly. 

It seems like he isn’t the only one happy to have Bella back in Forks. Although she was looking forward to crawling into bed and dust off her old CD’s from her emo teen years, she can’t say she’s not happy to see them, especially Billy. 

Billy, being Charlie’s best friend, had always been an important person in Bella’s life. She was a person she felt that she could count on, especially when it came to taking care of her father. Finishing high school, she was ready to get out of Forks. When her friends started applying to nearby colleges, never going further than the state border, she started bing-ing options outside of Washington. She didn’t tell her dad, fearing his reaction. It wasn’t that she was scared that he would not allow her to go, not at all. Charlie was extremely supportive and if there was something that she knew, it was that he always got her back. What she really was scared of, was that he would say that he was okay with it, even excited, but that he really wouldn’t be. Before Bella suddenly came to Forks to go to high school and live with him, Charlie had been alone for more than a decade. Although his love life for obvious reasons, never was a topic in their few phone calls when she was living with her mum down in Arizona, it was clear to see that he wasn’t exactly thriving. Being a child of divorce, Bella always felt sad hanging up, thinking about how alone and lonely he actually was. 

When Bella came to live with Charlie, not only did he have someone to help him with the dishwasher, not only did he have someone to pick up slightly drunk, not only did he have someone to take up space in that house that was way too big for a lonely police officer; but he finally had a daughter who wasn’t worried any more. Returning to Forks, Bella saw that her father wasn’t alone. He might not tick all the “American dream boxes”, there was definitely no ring on his finger and a matching one on a perky housewife, but he had someone looking out for him. She had always known Billy, but when she came back she could see that they had grown closer. All through her high school years, she would see the well-known wheelchair stains in the hallway. And she would know, from their laughters, from the stories Charlie told her from the two’s fishing trips and the smile on his face as he came home from a late night at the local bar, La Push, that he was going to be okay. Still, she didn’t want to abandon her father. 

One night, when Bella was sitting on her computer in the kitchen, reading through college reviews, she was suddenly accompanied by a warm voice.

“Alaska, that seems pretty cold for our Phoenix girl.”

She felt like she had been caught in the act, like she had been doing something illegal, like all her deepest, darkest, most secretive secrets were all out on the floor. Billy took another sip of his beer, before he cleared his throat. 

“Bella, why haven’t you said anything?”, he said.

“It’s nothing”, she said hiding her face in her hands, wanting to disappear through the floor. “You can’t tell him, Billy. I’m not doing it. I can’t do it to him.”

Billy had just sighed, but not in a mean way, and put the empty beer can on the table in front of him. 

“I’ll just go somewhere closer to home, he needs me here.”

“Bella, Bella, Bella”, Billy laughed. “Calm down! I’ve known you since you were a little baby. And I have known your father since he was basically the same age. I know it’s difficult, but this is part of growing up. Believe me, I know it’s difficult, I don’t even want to think about Jacob leaving me.”

He moved the long hair strands that had been falling into his face and rolled closer to her. Putting his hand on her shoulder, she felt a soothing warmth. 

“Don’t you worry, I’ll be here”, Billy said and they both looked at the sofa in the living room where Charlie had fallen asleep in front of the tv. 

“I love you”, he said. “And I love your father. I will always be here for him.”

There was something dreamy about his eyes, like he was no longer in the kitchen on a Wednesday night telling his best friend’s daughter to follow her dreams. Bella had thought that he looked peaceful, in a full-spirit kind of way. Like he had been working on one of those puzzles with thousands of pieces and was finally starting to assemble that impossible blue sky. 

That had been almost four years ago now. 

“Well look at Miss Design!”, he exclaims, laughing as he gave her a quick hug.

“Yeah, it’s actually interior design”, Bella says, immediately regretting her sneaky remark.

It wasn’t like it was something that she was proud of. When she first came to college, she was excited to study something that she really was interested in. As the years went by, she started to realise that the world of interior design was almost as fictional as that of vampires. Except that it existed, or did it? She had been looking for jobs for almost six months, both in Alaska and Washington, until she realised that she wasn’t finding anything. It isn’t that she is disappointed in her years in Alaska, she is just disappointed with herself. That she is back in Forks, where she left her dad, returning unemployed. 

“Not that I’m working in it right now”, she hastily adds.

“You’ll figure it out”, Billy says. “You always do, don’t you?”

Bella couldn't help noticing how close Charlie is standing to the wheelchair, and that shy hand on Billy’s shoulder. Seemed like they might be closer than ever. Before she had time to dig further into that, she found her distracted self looking at a man she had never seen before. 

“Finally I get to meet her”, the blonde man said, shaking her hand. “I’m Carlisle.”

His hand, pale and sturdy, did not only shake her hand, but also something deeper within her. Of course - Carlisle. She had heard Charlie talking about him on the phone. Sometimes he would mention him, “the third buddy”, in the occasional email he would send. But Bella never expected this. Carlisle must at least be twenty years younger than Charlie and Billy. And without getting inappropriate, after all, this was her dad’s friend, she felt intrigued by him. By his sharp face and straight smile combined with what she’d heard about him, a doctor apparently, was nothing but attractive. 

Thankfully she was able to quickly push those thoughts away, as the four of them sat down for some pizza. She found herself zooming out of the conversation, melancholically chewing. Biting into an especially garlicky part of her slice, she suddenly felt some strong arms hugging her from behind. She could already tell who it was, just from the smell. Jacob. She always thought he kind of smelled like a wet dog. Earthy. That was probably what first attracted her to him. A lot had happened since then. He might have been her first boyfriend, but now she doesn’t consider him much more than her dad’s best friend’s son.

“Jacob! I can’t believe you’re here”, she said turning her head around. 

He looked different- bigger than he was when Bella saw him last, at Billy’s birthday party last year. More muscly. Or maybe she’s just thirsty after months of loneliness? The others greeted him, before they quickly returned to their intense conversation about this fall’s fishing equipment. 

“I knew you were coming back today, so I thought I’d step by, maybe catch up a bit with my favourite cold-hearted girl”, he says.

“What?”

“Heh, you know what I mean”, Jacob smirks biting into the last piece of pizza. “Alaska. Ice. Snow. I still can’t understand how you willingly stayed there.” 

“Well, I’m not the one who chose to stay here in the perky town of Forks”, she says, quite offended. “No offense.”

“None taken”, he shrugs. “You know, Forks hasn’t been the same without you.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?”

Bella laughs and it’s faker than the CGI of a really badly produced fantasy movie. Jacob looks around the room, like he’s trying to find something to fix his eyes on, like he doesn’t want to look her in the face. 

“I should probably get going”, he says dodging her question. “We should catch up sometime soon, get the old pack together. I’m sorry if I was a bit rude. It’s just so unrealistic to have you here again.”

Unrealistic. Yes. But realistic it is. This is Bella’s reality. She’s not exactly hyped to hang out with Jacob, but he’s an old friend and he’s loyal. He is a natural part of this reality. He hastily announces his departure, and is half-way through the door when Bella asks:

“Hey dog! Aren’t you going to give your dad a ride back...”

The Blacks live in the reservation, far from the town center. Back in the old days, Jacob would often turn up on the Swan driveway, chatting for a while with Bella, before helping his dad into the car after a fishing trip or a Sunday night cookout. 

“No no, don’t worry”, Billy quickly interrupts. “I’m staying for a bit longer.”

Bella catches Charlie’s smile. She can’t ever remember him smiling like that. Full of joy. 

“Anyway I’m walking”, Jacob says. 

“What? I thought this was America?”, Carlisle asks and all of them burst into laughter, except for Jacob who just rolls his eyes at them.

“This body doesn’t come for free”, he just says before saying goodbye. 

And none of them can argue with that.

It’s almost midnight when Bella finally pushes her suitcase up the stairs to her bedroom. In there, it’s like time has been standing still. The posters covering each and every wall, from that franchise with the angsty love triangle. Her biology books from high school. Photos of her friends. She has missed them. Walking downstairs to say goodnight to her dad before going to bed, she hears laughter from the living room. 

From the hallway she can see Charlie and Billy on the sofa. They’re close, and even though the tv is on, they don’t seem at all interested in what’s going on on the screen. Charlie’s hand is just about to touch Billy’s hair when Bella trips and falls over. They both hurriedly look at the tv. 

“Hey, sorry if I’m interrupting... ”

“You’re not interrupting!”, Charlie says a bit too quickly.

“No seriously, we were just talking about worms”, Billy adds.

“For fishing.”

“Yeah, I think I got that”, Bella says a bit confused. 

They seem to have moved further apart, Charlie is almost on the other end of the sofa. 

“I was just going to say goodnight”, she says. “To both of you I guess.”

“Good call!”, Charlie says clearing his throat. “I should go to bed too, Billy are you okay with taking the sofa? You better be, heheh… Goodnight, man.”

He pushes Bella out of the living room and starts walking up the stairs.

“Dad, what was that?”, Bella asks as they’ve reached the end of the stairs.

“What? What was what?”

“I don’t know, weren’t you and Billy acting all weird? Is something wrong?”

“What? No? I’m just happy to have you home, Bells.”

He hugs her. She won’t admit it, but maybe she’s also a bit happy to be there. Or not just overwhelmingly depressed about it. At least that’s an improvement from high school.


	2. He protecc, he attacc, but most most importantly - he hates Jacob Blacc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miss Swan would se(a)ttle for a night in.  
> Little did she know that Lady Stanley heard about her whereabouts and would force her to accompany her in the pulsing nightlife of the the actual city of Seattle...
> 
> The title has (almost) nothing to do with the chapter. - But admit it's a good one...

Dinner with Charlie had been an awkward mess this evening. Bella felt just like when she had first moved back to her social distanced dad when she had been seventeen.

It had taken him quite a while to opening up to live with a new person in his confirmed bachelor household. And now, four years after she had left for college in Alaska, all that progress had faded and they were back at it again: Eating quietly at the little kitchen table.

Bella never had been much of a small talker. Neither had Charlie.   
After she had kind of stalled him on the baseball and football talk, they had settled on debating if a Bacon-Cheeseburger tasted better with American Cheese or Cheddar.

Bella sighed, sitting down on the violet bed sheets that Charlie had reinforced from retirement after her fateful phone call. The most embarrassing moment of her life: “I am sorry Dad… I fucked up.” And that she had! She was unemployed after six months of job search.  _ You pathetic bitch! What the hell is wrong with you! You weren’t even a party girl at College or in any fraternity – how could your grades be too low to get just ONE tiny little CALLBACK?! _

No! She got up rapidly, smacking herself in the face and taking some deep breaths. This was the situation now and she had to make the best of it. Continue to search and stuff… She was back living in Forks for two weeks now. Not that much time - she would adjust. She would revive the relationship with her Dad. She would search for jobs every day -

* _ a little off sounding melody of clair de lune is playing*  _ Bella grabbed her phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Bella? So it is true??? You are back in Forks?- I literally didn’t believe Mike when he told me.”

“Hey Jessica, wait- how did Mike…”

“Well he met your Dad while he was delivering lunch to his office. Mike works for the new Olive Garden now - but he is always a little nervous about going into the police station – he holds a little green side business if u get what I mean…. – OMG don’t let him know I told you that! You know his panic disorder issues - but anyway - he thinks your dad is kind of a chilled guy and he actually knows him from picking you up for Junior Prom when you first moved here. – Oh My god I MISS that time! Don’t you? “

Typical Jessica. She did not have to breathe like a normal human being. Instead of air – she needed gossip, human exchange. With her, there was never any awkward silence at any dinner table. Bella catched herself laughing happily for the first time since… it was long ago. She  _ had _ missed her. Instantly she felt a big weight of guilt on her chest for not having contacted her since she came back.

“High school was hell Jess – honestly. Weren't you always saying you can’t wait to get out of there?”

“Oh you know me I talk too much. I am living in the moment. But now…  _ WORK. EVERY DAY?!” _

The way she said those last words sounded like the look she had made when Dennis from Algebra class had sent her a dick pic once. Bella didn’t want to get into the work topic tho.

“Why are you calling again?”

“Oh shit yes – well basically to tell you that I am at your front door sweety.”

“Wha- what – what the HELL Jessica?”

The former captain of the Volleyball team really hadn’t changed.

“Girl it's Friday night and you are back in boring old Forks! What did you expect me to do? To let you sit inside like you always do? I hope college helped you overcome some of your anti-fun party behavior… I am ringing now bye”

The doorbell rang. She heard Charlie opening, and two seconds later Jessica Stanley was back in Bella Swan's life.

\---

“Stop moving Jessica! You will mess it up!”

Thirty minutes later, Jessica was sitting in front of the mirror having Bella doing her eyeliner.

“…done.” Bella concluded, not very satisfied. But Jessica basically flipped: “Fucking hell! Where did you learn that? You certainly never use any make up? It seems Interior design class teaches you  _ some _ important skills after all …”

With any other person saying those words, Bella would have felt this terrible sting of disappointment and self-loathing in her chest. – But with Jessica it was… different somehow. She just spoke her truths and opinions with no filter, and it was never seriously insulting.

“So where are we going tonight?”

“Well we are NOT staying in crabby Forks that’s for sure. – Seattle girl! A lot has changed since you left. Now there is actually something that you could call a decent alternative music scene forming?- The best places you can only find if you know the right people… and you have  _ me _ so you know we will be fine…” she winks at Bella, who is laughing for the second time tonight.

“Oh yeah and also…  _ we _ would be as in: You, me, my current boytoy Steve, Mike and - your man JaCob.”

Bella, at Jacobs name almost stabbed herself with a bobby pin.

“Jacob? Since when are you guys friends? Did I miss something?”

“Well Bella we are not in Highschool anymore. The school system did separate us from our india - I mean “native american” friends - yeah I am trying myself on political correctness be proud of me - but now some of us started working at similar places and you see each other around and stuff. I did a summer job at the National Park as a Ranger a couple of years back - and I  _ finally _ met the infamous Jacob Black. He is very cool! I never understood why you guys weren't a thing… Sure back then with his long hippie hair - but honey he hits the gym HARD nowadays. And puberty hit HIM so so hard in senior year already…”

Bella let out an annoyed moan “ Jessica plEASE - we dated in Preschool for like a month when I came to visit over the summer and we kissed each other ONCE behind the vending machine of the movie theatre. - Like for one split second and we did wipe our mouths afterwards. We were  _ children. _ All I ever saw him as was a good friend.”

Also like more the son of  _ Charlie's _ best friend. She had been glad that their friendship was seemingly still as close as it had always been. Charlie could need someone to get him out of the house every once in a while… meeting up with their new friend Carlisle. Bella caught herself being carried away by the memory of their hands touching for a second. She was glad when Jessica spoke again.

“ **Anyhow-** what I was going to say is- that he is fun and humorous and we hang out and go surfing together every so often. - So he comes along tonight.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Then move your ass - we need to get going. Poor Steve and Mike are waiting in the car…”

“Jessica, you and I know, they are probably not bored but smoking in your car.”

“Oh yeah you're right! - Fuck I need to buy more of those scented trees- It’s my mums car actually...”

Bella shook her head at that, smiling at her friend: “Jess you haven't changed”

Jessica gave her glowing smile back in return. Bella had never really understood, how she had managed to earn her affection like that. She didn't deserve any of it. 

“Bells you haven't changed either. And with  _ changed _ I mean that literally - as in your  _ clothes _ ! Get out of those - “, she gesticulated helpless towards Bellas washed out sweatpants, “whatever those are and put on one of your beloved perforated lace-blouses or something. We need to go, before those doofuses decide to open the windows and Charlie smells anything suspicious…”

“Okay okay just one second.”

\---

Even though Bella had thrown some of her _ no drugs principals  _ out of the window while in college and had actually lived through a phase of serious party lifestyle in the summer of her Junior-College Year, she had not smoked or taken anything in a very long while.

Now sitting on the passenger seat (Jessica had insisted she should sit up front with her), while that Steve guy, tall and slim, with designer stubble a golden ring in his left earlobe, and Mike were smoking their second blunt after they had left, Bella already felt high just from passive smoking.

Jessica however didn't seem to be bothered. She probably had developed an eye on how to drive around possible Cop- controls and also had a high tolerance, so she still drove them exemplary safe. However - she was trying not to take chances and made sure not to exceed the speed limit once as well as choosing less frequented roads when necessary.

That was the reason why the 53 minute drive from Forks to Seattle (estimated by Google Maps) actually took them an hour and a half. They didn't mind. Jessica's mom had an impressive amount of CD’s in the glovebox and even though Jessica noted that they could just as well play the songs on Spotify, the rest of the group silenced her energetically.

They drove through the darkness listening to the full  _ Black Holes and Revelations _ album by  _ Muse _ , throughout which Mike headbanged from start to finish, giving formidable air guitar impressions. Bella and Steve resisted for maybe the first two songs, before they had to join in - Bella miming the singer in playback, Steve playing the drums. Jessica cracked up in laughter and completed the performance by chanting along the few chorus lines she knew and filling rest with her own lyrics.

At  _ City of Delusion _ Bella surprised herself, turning backwards and having a playoff with the boys. She caught Mikes and Steve's eyes from time to time and - she was happy. Truly happy. She knew they would get along just fine. Mike being the easy going fellow he had always been, and Steve seemed like a humorous and happy person. As Bella cracked up and her impression got more and more energetic and ridiculous, he laughed a loud and warm laugh.

What was it with this rainy little town, that no matter how often she left, she just seemed to be accepted and welcomed there over and over again?

\---

Jessica had been right. You had to know what you were looking for, if you wanted to find the location. It turned out to be an unused factory compound a little out of town. Many people were already standing all over the site, drinking laughing and smoking. Some bonfires spread their warmth through the chilly night air.

They got out of the car and walked towards the gate of the building.To Bella the music seemed too loud, even from the outside. After she had been so comfortable and happy during the drive, she now started to feel insecure. All the people stressed her out. She hated being in big crowds - and weed usually tended to make her anxieties worse.

Jessica walked straight up to the guy who collected the entrance fees. He greeted her with a big smile and a hug. They chatted and joked around while they paid and Jessica introduced him to the others as Johnny. After paying the obligatory 7 Dollar entry, they got a little Button. “For the Button you guys will get your welcome drink at the bar”, Johnny explained.

Mike and Jessica exchanged some more chatter, while Bella and Steve stood a little aside. “Wow they are really alternative around here huh?”, Steve joked and bobbed Bella in the side, “Hey - U ok?” Just now Bella realized that she had drifted off a little. Did she really look as uncomfortable as she felt on the inside? “Oh no- I’m fine…” Steve didn't look convinced. Shit - she hated having to justify herself all the time.

“Really! It's just that I’m not used to smoking anymore-”  _ Wow that sounds so pathetic  _ “- I am sorry. Lets just have fun now ok?” She tried her best to smile at him. To her surprise he really seemed to care, even though they had just met. 

“Bella, - did I get ur name right? No need to be sorry. I get it honestly. Don’t worry. Usually weed is not my choice for party drug either. If it ever gets too much in there just give me a sign ok?”

“Sounds great. Thank you Steve!”

His smile was warm. His teeth shimmered white in the shine of the bonfires and contrasted with his dark skin. 

“Steve! Bells! Lets go!”

Jessica and Mike were already halfway through the entrance.

“Coming!” 

\---

The club looked just as insurgent on the inside than it did on the outside. A band was playing a wild mix of hard rock and some electronic elements. Most of the guests seemed to be College-Students, mostly alternatively dressed. But Bella also saw some more casually dressed people like herself as well as a few hardcore punks who, in her opinion, looked straight up homeless.

She looked towards the stage. The Lead Singer of the band wore his hair in a pink buzzcut and had many piercings in his ears and face. Right now he was kneeling and bending backwards while playing a guitar solo. They seemed to enjoy some kind of popularity in the area. The first row of the chanting crowd surrounding the stage, went wild and some girls actually tried to climb upstage. The band consisted of three other guys that all looked a little freaky. One on a keyboard with synthesizer, another one playing the bass guitar and a drummer. 

Bella let her eyes wander to the side of the stage. That was when she glanced at a man standing in the background, observing the band. It was hard to tell but she would have guessed him in his thirties. His hair was a little grown out and wavy. He wore ragged clothes and had a strange look in his eyes. First thought it was concentration, then maybe also some kind of anger.

When she turned back around, she realized that she was suddenly standing alone. The others had moved along towards the bar to receive their drinks. She followed them and got in line. She saw Jessica's short small figure a few people ahead. Steve stood beside her, his arm around her shoulder. His face was buried in her curly hair and he said something in her ear, which made her turn to him in laughter. Bella felt very happy for Jess. Even though she had dismissed Steve as her  _ boytoy _ earlier, Jessica actually deserved someone who cared and maybe she had found that one in Steve.

Bella wondered when they were supposed to meet Jakob. Jessica had told her that he had wanted to drive here with his dads car, since he was bringing along two friends of his. 

“What's for drink?” The barman had two teeth missing. “Bottle of water please!” She had to scream over the music. Her mouth was so dry from singing all the way here. With the small, cooled plastic bottle in her had, she found the others on the dance floor.

Mike seemed to be in his own world. Eyes closed, just focused on the music he danced with wide arm and leg movements. He looked ridiculous - but at the same time he didn't.

He danced with so much joy and confidence that it was actually just beautiful to watch. Bella didn't seem to be the only one to think that way. Many of the close bystanders, tapped him on the back, and cheered him on with enthusiasm. Jessica and Steve started making out in the crowd at the climax of the third song, while Mike was drifting off into a huge mosh pit and Bella tried her best to get as far away from the same one.

It was time to step out.

Before she was really thinking about what she was doing, Bella started to walk towards the exit, trembling into several dancing people along the way. She tried to apologize but they just moved on. Probably no one even cared or witnessed her. She was clinging on to her bottle as if it was a lifeline and was relieved when she finally found herself standing outside the building. 

Great - what now?

Not many people were out here. There were two groups of friends sitting around bonfires about fifty meters away. She could hear their distant chatter and laughter. She moved towards a bonfire where she could sit alone, took a few sips of her water and tried to calm down. The effect of the weed had nearly faded and out here in silence she could relax a little.

She was just thinking about going back inside to find the others and give the night a second chance, when she heard voices arguing. Not sure what to do, she stepped around a corner and saw two men standing in the niche of a little backdoor, probably an entrance for the stage workers and performers.

While they had been trying to keep their voices down, they were now growing louder, becoming more and more aggressive. 

To her surprise Bella realized, she had seen both of them before. The taller one was Johnny, the guy that worked as cashier at the club - Jessica's friend.

The other one was the strange looking guy she had noticed on stage earlier. While his face had had that strange angry expression then, she was now straight up terrified by the look on his face. When he was speaking, his voice transformed into kind of an animalistic growl and the dark circles around his eyes made seem them even more like two black holes.

Bella wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to stick her nose in anybody else's business - but both of them seemed so heated - what if something bad might happen?   
She looked around her in a weak attempt to maybe see somebody who could support her. But there was nobody in sight. She turned back in shock when she heard the sound of a loud punch and something crack.

The guy from the stage was laying on the ground. His nose was bleeding heavily and he seemed a little disoriented, as if he couldn't quite process what had happened.

Before knowing what she was doing, Bella was beside him. She didn't realize it until she saw the shocked look on Johnny's face that she must have screamed. Johnny opened his mouth and words came out, but she didn't understand any of it. The smell of blood crawled into her nose, this weird metallic smell.  _ What am I doing here? Who am I kidding if I want to help? I am about to faint - Shit… _

Foggy and from far away Johnny made a move towards her.   
“Don't touch me!”, she heard herself saying. She just didn't want anyone to look at her right now. 

“Please are you ok? I didn't mean to…”   
  


“Man, she said to not. come. near. her! Are you more retarded than I thought?”   
  


“You need to shut up Edward! You and I are not through yet!”   
  


A cold laugh came from the throat of the other man. He was holding his nose and sitting on the floor now. Bella was still on the ground next to him, slowly gaining back her containment. 

“Bella? - Bella! What the hell happened?”

She finally got to her feet, just to see Jacob bolting towards her. He looked worried. Two girls were running after him. Bella had never seen them before.

One seemed to be from the reservation. Her black hair framed the hard - almost unfriendly look on her face. Her athletic physique was intimidating - and she was undeniably pretty. At her side was a tiny little elf of a girl. Her pale skin was glowing in the dark just as her huge dark eyes, which gave her a natural dreamy look. Compared to the athletic girl at her side, her arms and legs seemed like toothpicks. And her feathery walk was underlining the impression, that the weighted close to nothing.

“Hey Jake! I don't know what to say…” Bella noticed her voice sounding a little cracked.  _ Gosh I'm such a crybaby _ _  
_ “Did they hurt you?”, he asked furiously.    
  


“Oh wait a second here pal!”, Johnny stepped in.

“ It's not what it looks like. This piece of  _ shit  _ and I just had a little conversation about how you treat and not treat people you work with - and she suddenly was screaming on the floor. We didn't touch her at all - just seems like she is a little sensitive with blood…sorry about that.”

Bella could not bring herself to look anybody in the eyes. This was a disaster. Of course her half hearted rescue mission for some stranger she had never even talked to before had to end with her sitting dizzy on the floor - why? Because of the smell of blood?!

“Maybe we should get some ice for his face…” The fairy-like girl suddenly said with a dreamy, high pitched voice. She didn't wait for an answer or a reaction from anybody but slided through the back door into the building and was gone.

“Maybe it will be for the best if we all step a little aside right?” Johnny seemed to have cooled down. He was almost looking like he enjoyed this mess. Probably was the fact that the guy he had called Edward earlier was still sitting bleeding on the floor one reason for his lightened mood.

“I am working the door here guys. What would you say if I got you in - and something to drink - my treat. Kinda an apology for the troubles I have caused ya?” 

With his last words he winked at Bella who wished the ground would swallow her up right then and there.

Neither Jakob nor his friend seemed to care about Edwards broken nose. They seemed to almost ignore him actually. Both agreed and thanked Johnny for the invite. “Alright Bella, let's go!” Jacob and the girl were about to follow Johnny through the backdoor.

“Wait Jake- What about  _ him _ ?” Bella said, making a hand gesture towards Edward. From the corner of her eyes she wasn't sure, but for a moment he seemed to look up in surprise. She felt stronger already and she was getting pissed.

The boy she had always thought to be warm and caring like Billy, now seemed to be something totally different. What would Billy think of his behaviour right now? What would he think of  _ her  _ if she would just leave right now? 

For one moment she thought Jakob might lose his temper, but then he took a deep breath and when he spoke, he sounded calm: “Bella, you haven't lived here for a while so you can't know - but thats Edward Masen. I am not going to spread out nasty stories right here but you can believe me that he is not a guy you want to hang out with.”, Jacob turned a little to look Edward in the eye, “It has been overdue that someone breaks his nose, if you ask me.” 

Edwards nose had stopped bleeding and he wasn't covering his face with his hand anymore. Still he was covered in blood. Now that his sharp lips curled up into a grin he looked like a lunatic.

“Thanks for your share Black, I think you know how much I value your opinions right?” He finally rose to his feet and spat on the floor.

The girl made a move towards him, as if she wanted to make sure that his nose was really broken - but Jacob grabbed her arm and held her back. “Chill Leah, he's not worth it. Let's rather go find Alice. - Bella are you coming now or what?” 

Bella stood there indecisive. She was getting tired of people always telling her what to do. Maybe Jacob  _ was  _ completely right. But was she just supposed to believe him? She was a grown woman and capable of making her own decisions.

“You guys go ahead. I am chilling a little more out here. If you see Jessica please tell her where to find me.”

For a moment Jacob looked taken back. Then he shrugged. “Well suit yourself. Scream if you need anything I guess…” And with one more dark glance at Edward he was gone through the door. 

Bella needed a few seconds to process what just had occurred. She was in her own thoughts about how she hat gotten in this position. Not even thirty minutes ago, she had been on the dancefloor with some of her oldest friends and now she was standing in a dark backyard with a man who seemed to be anything but a friend,  _ who _ despite that she had defended. Why? What was she trying to proof?

“Pretty chilly night, isn't it?”

Bella turned her head to Edward Masen, she was almost about to shake it a little, to get a clearer conscience - but she resisted the urge -  _ thank god!  _ No need to make her look even more daft.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Isn't that what idiots tend to say to start conversation with a pretty girl?”, he asked. A crooked, almost boyish grin appeared on his face.

God - What a sleazy chat-up line! In any other situation Bella would have ditched the guy right then and there - but now where was she supposed to go? She had just stated right in front of him that she would stay outside - with him. If he had understood that as an invite, who had she to blame but herself?

For the first time she really looked at him.   
He was probably in his mid- thirties. Her first impression had been right - he wore ragged clothes and looked like a highwayman. But there were also some features about him that had definitely been attractive at some point. His hair seemed to be washed and had great texture with a bronze tone to it. His figure was slim but still kind of muscular. His face was that of a man who had been around, streetwise. The shadows under his dark eyes made him look a little groggy, as if he had been in a bad state of health for a long time.

Now grinning at her with the blood all over his face, he looked a little like a lost schoolboy, who had gotten into a fight with someone after school. Bella couldn't help but feel responsible for him - in some weird way.

“Oh shut up”, she caught herself smiling a little shyly.

“What?”, he almost sounded annoyed, “I mean what I say! Jeez those girls won't even take compliments anymore. I am just a guy with a broken nose but at least I am honest.”

“Alright calm down. Thank you- Edward?”

“Now- that's much better. That wasn't so difficult, was it?”, he asked mockingly, “And yeah I am Edward. Edward  _ Masen _ just as your nice friend over there stressed so tensely.”

“What happened between you two - what happened here at all? Why did Johnny give you that  _ nose job _ ?”, Bella asked the last question with a little provoking undertone in an attempt to be funny. - She and flirting had always been a real bumpy road.

To her surprise the man chuckled. She couldn't tell if he really found her funny or if he was overbearing because he had noticed her weak attempts. Anyway she thought it looked cute somehow. 

“You look like a young woman who was looked well after, always sheltered, always made the right choices in life. This may be new to you - but guys who will be friendly to you might be the exact opposite to someone who used to make wrong decisions. Who got off the right road - people like me.”

When Edward said the last words he looked down, like he was ashamed of himself.

“Then if something goes wrong, it’s always easy to turn on me because I have fucked up so many times already. So how likely is it that I would have changed my ways?”

Bella didn't know how to respond to that. He was right. She had never been in a truly bad place in life. Her biggest fuck-up was, that she couldn't find employment as an Interior-Designer for the last six months - and still her Dad was there to catch her.    
  


“I - I am sorry. I bet there was a misunderstanding…”, she tried.   
Edward just spat out a bitter laugh and shrugged.

“ _ Sure _ there is- that's what they always say - but the truth is: They just can't stand me being in a higher position at this club than them. - But sorry. I didn't mean to bother you with my problems.”

“So you are working here?”, Bella asked, trying to lead away from the uncomfortable topic. 

“Stage manager. I am making sure everything goes the way it should, get some good gigs going… Loads of responsibilities and not for everyone - but I like to keep myself busy you know?”

“Sure that sounds cool.”

Bella smiled, grateful that the aggressive tone in his voice softened when he spoke about his work.

A slim smile formed on Edward lips. He lit a cigarette.

“So you moved back here recently?”

“How do you…”

“That Black boy just said so, honey.”

“Oh… right - sorry- Yeah I went to college in Alaska. But now I moved in back with my dad.”

Why was she even telling him this? His eyebrows rose, questioning, almost impatient. “I have to figure some stuff out- workwise.”

He nodded. “Yeah we’ve all been there. I am sure you will figure it out. You seem like someone who is serious about what she is doing.”

Bella was caught of guard by how warm his words suddenly sounded. She couldn't detect any sarcasm in them. And she didn't understand why, but hearing something like that from this guy she barely knew, made her feel less bad about herself. Did she just make him open up to her?

\---

“Bella! There you are! Would you please stop running away from me everytime we go out together? You know I have a strong protective instinct -”

Jessica almost choked on her unspoken words. The door she had slammed open, fell closed with a bang. 

Bella was standing with her back towards the wall.

Edward was leaning over her, pulling back from the kiss as they heard Jessica.

Bella immediately felt her face turning flaming hot. She felt caught. Pushing Edward to the side she stepped forwards and grabbed her friends hand.

“Sorry Jess. Let's talk in the car ok?”

Jessica eyed up Edward half surprised half sceptical for a moment, then she nodded.

“Sure we are ready to leave. Are you okay?” 

“Totally Jess. Come on, let's go find the others.”

\---

“I still think he could have just asked for your Instagram like any normal person would.” 

They were parked in front of Charlies house. Bella was relieved that she was finally alone with Jessica. They had dropped Mike and Steve off and now it was just them. Bella had pulled up her sleeve. On her forearm, with red sharpie there was written a phone number. Underneath it said:

_ Call me -E _

“But well he seemed older - how old WAS he by the way? - so maybe he does not even use social media…”

“Maybe Jessica, I didn't ask him. It was all so weird tonight... “

“You are not going to call him are you?”

Bella just shrugged.   
  


“Are you???”    
  


“No I won't Jess ok? Thank you for tonight. And again I am sorry that I snuck off like that.” 

“Don’t worry Bella. I got your back ok? Just please tell me next time when you are uncomfortable. Even if Steve is there - you know my motto: Bros before hoes!”

She smiled her Jessica-smile and Bella hugged her tightly before getting out of the car and walking towards the house. 

Jessica had not told anyone about what had happened between her and Edward Masen behind the club. She was grateful for that. She didn't know how she felt about all of this. When she pulled out her keys, her sleeve went up a little.

_ Call me _

What a strange night. Deep inside she knew that she would dial that number. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There can only be one true Cullen - and we all know that’s Carlisle! Therefore, in this alternative universe, Baddie-Eddie was given the name of his mother.  
> -Source: Fandom Wiki Twilight
> 
> Also: This is and always will be a Carlilla fanfiction. We will get there eventually… Stay tuned! :))


	3. (L)Ah, push it, Oooh, baby, baby (by Salt-N-Pepa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s no need to push it? We all know it: the Twilight universe revolves around the best dads. But once upon a time, even the daddiest dad wasn’t a dad yet. He was an angsty teenager with problems of his own and… one… best… friend… Boys will be boys!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Life is busy. I am sure we all are aware of that. Especially in times of a worldwide pandemic (Stay safe! Wear a mask! Avoid big crowds! - But GO VOTE) - everybody needs to live day by day - getting by - trying to make it all work.  
> Just like our beloved characters!  
> But we made it!!! The next Chapter is here. And we hope you will love it as much as we love you.<3   
> The musical artists of Salt-N-Pepa provided this Chapter with the perfect soundtrack.

Opening up the door to  _ La Push _ , Charlie actually manages to take the first deep breath of the week. The young bartender turns up the radio in the otherwise quiet room. Charlie vaguely remembers his name, Laurent? Maybe. That’s not what really matters, what matters is the way they greet each other and the way Lawrence or whatever his name might be pours Charlie a pint of beer without having to ask what he’s ordering. 

_ La Push _ . It’s not only a bar. It’s  _ the  _ bar. The bar where Charlie got legally drunk for the first time, on his 21th birthday, before throwing up in the bushes outside the noisy local. It’s  _ the  _ bar where he took Renée after their first date. He had been apologizing over and over again, but she’d kept telling him that she loved the place. And really, what wasn’t there to love about  _ La Push _ ? 

The founder had been a friend of his dad’s, and talking about his childhood and youth would be impossible without mentioning the bar. After his divorce,  _ La Push _ had become an even more important part of his life. Sometimes it made him feel guilty, ashamed: how stereotypical it made him feel. The police chief who got a beer or two or three with his buddies at the local bar after work. 

“Charlie! Over here!”

He turned around, and there was Billy. Not like he really had to tell Charlie that he was there. He wouldn’t have expected anything different. This was their routine, their sacred time. A Tuesday night at the table facing the window looking out over the parking lot. Charlie thanked Lawrence-Laurent for the drink and headed over to the table.

“Cheers, my friend”, he said before feeling the cool liquid running down his throat. 

“It’s been a while since I saw you.”

Billy finished off his drink and Charlie already knew it wasn’t going to be his last. Truthfully, Billy yelled at the bartender who quickly got to pouring him a second one.

“I mean”, he continued. “You know, we haven’t gone fishing since forever.”

Charlie suddenly felt like he didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like what Billy was saying came out of the blue. Really, them not spending as much time together as they used to, was something that he had noticed as well. Of course he had. 

Their almost daily hangouts at the bar, weekly fishing trips and long phone conversations had recently turned silent. Of course he would notice. This was his best friend. His best friend since the time when throwing himself down the cliff, swimming around in the sea and biking around Forks was life. Would it had been the same without Billy by his side? No. He was his  _ best friend _ after all.

“I’m sorry”, Charlie said quietly, feeling almost shy. “It’s been a lot lately. We’re in the middle of a murder investigation. Murder? In Forks? I still can’t believe it. And with Bella home, especially now that she’s seeing  _ that guy _ …”

“Hey, Charlie”, he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re getting off track, I didn’t mean it like that. I guess I just miss the two of us. Hanging out I mean.”

Billy usually got touchy, but there was something about his hand on Charlie’s body in just that moment that suddenly felt  _ too close _ , like an invasion. Looking at Charlie, it was clear that it reminded them both of something that they had been trying to not think too much of. 

  
  


Long before Billy ended up in a wheelchair, when the hunters of Forks still would have the license to shoot the wolves that were scattered across the deep woods, things had been different. Charlie had yet to meet Renée and Billy was as single as his best friend. Not that it was something neither of them were thinking about. Life was easier back then. Growing up in a crowded household, Billy enjoyed spending time at the Swans. He would envy Charlie being an only child, the attention he would get from his parents. On the other hand, Charlie felt the same about staying at Billy’s. The warm atmosphere, full of loving people, children running around, was something that he had been missing during his childhood.

They did everything together. Went for long hikes in the green woods, dangerous motorbike rides to neighbouring towns and getting stupidly drunk far off from their worried parents. 

One night, things changed dramatically. They were camping close to the reservate and were warming their cold hands around the fire Billy had put up. 

“Let’s play a game”, Billy had said and looked mischievously at Charlie. 

“A game? What sort of game? Like football? Sure.”

“No stupid, like truth or dare. Or something like that.”

It was the summer after high school and they were both aware of the fact that they were basically the only Forks teens not hanging out in the town center. It wasn’t that they weren’t invited, they just didn’t feel like joining their fake charades. Sometimes they would show up, like a Friday a few weeks earlier. They had met up at Charlie’s house, covering themselves in body spray and hair wax, and then went over to Aro, this weird Italian guy, who had been in the same drama club as Billy. The party had been fun, especially after they both got hammered on some vodka a girl whose older brother worked in Canada had brought. 

After a few hours, Aro’s girlfriend, this weirdly pale and skinny girl, had yelled  _ truuuuuth or daaaaare in the living rooooom _ . Thirty minutes later, they’d long lost count of who had kissed who and who had confessed to what. Luckily, both Charlie and Billy had managed to escape the most embarrassing of embarrassments. Then, the empty vodka bottle that seemed to be aimlessly spinning ended up pointing towards Billy. Someone, somehow, decided that he would kiss Esme. She was this popular girl from school, who never had done anything special to achieve her popularity, but still managed to rule the social hierarchy of Forks. Seeing their lips touch each other, with drunken laughter and woo’s in the background, made Charlie feel sick. The kiss was over quickly, but the image of Billy and Esme was stuck inside Charlie’s head for much longer. 

Later that night he had ended up in the kitchen. Desperately trying to drown his sorrows in whatever alcohol he came across. He even chatted for a bit with Aro, but he couldn’t even remember what the conversation had been about. Probably something about how Aro had been practicing some sort of telepathy or whatever. He had really tried to listen, tried to understand, anything was better than trying to understand the conflicting emotions burning within him. When Billy had entered the kitchen half an hour later, Charlie was sitting under the kitchen table, with his head buried in his hands. Billy crouched down. 

  
“Hey Char char binks”, he said. 

When he realised Charlie wasn’t about to leave the safe table space, he crawled in under it as well and sat down next to him. 

“I was wondering where you were”, Billy was waiting for Charlie’s hands to leave his face. “Didn’t expect to find you here.”

“You didn’t have to look for me”, Charlie whispered against his fingers.

“Well I kind of had to”, Billy admitted. “You sort of ran away all of a sudden, kind of got me worried there, didn’t you?”

Billy wasn’t worried, Charlie thought to himself. He just felt obligated to look out for Charlie. Like he couldn’t take care of himself. Like he was a small child who had to go running for his mummy all the time. He was in the way. In the way of Billy’s happiness. If it hadn’t been for Charlie, Billy probably would be making out with Esme, although extremely boring the hottest girl in Forks. Charlie felt himself sink deeper into his own palms.

“I’m ready to go home”, Billy said and reached a hand towards one of the hands covering Charlie’s face. “Let’s go home.”

His fingers touched Charlie’s and Charlie felt like he had been momentarily electrocuted. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. If Billy only knew the jealousy that had been growing secretly within Charlie the past year, flowering during that stupid stupid game of spin the bottle, he wouldn’t want to even look at Charlie. He quickly shrugged him off. 

“Don’t touch me”, he hissed.

Since he no longer was hiding behind his hands, he was met with Billy’s confused face. 

“What?”

“I don’t want you to touch me”, Charlie repeated. “ _ Please _ .”

He didn’t mean to sound so rude. After all, he was kind of drunk. Or no, he was definitely hammered. Billy’s raised eyebrows were dancing along to the disco music playing loudly in the distance. It was better if Billy could understand it now. They couldn’t continue like they had been. The intimacy had to stop. Yesterday. Or at least before Charlie got so greedy that there was no point of return.

“I’m disgusting”, he sobbed before even realising it himself.

Billy grabbed his arm and dragged him out from the table and back to reality. He pushed them through a smaller crowd hanging out by the sink, trying this compost tea someone had brewed. He grabbed a cup that seemed fairly unused and filled it with water.

“If you mean disgusting as in I-just-drank-my-ass-off-and-can-barely-stand-up, yes”, Billy sighed a shy smile still on his lips, shutting off the tap. “Open your mouth, Swan queen.”

The cool water running down his throat, just some of it escaping down his neck, cleared his mind a bit. Made him feel quite embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry”, Charlie said. 

“No need to be sorry, you know I will always forgive you”, Billy smiled.

Could he really be so sure of that? Charlie had doubted that as Billy had walked him home and fallen asleep on a mattress on his floor.

The morning after, Charlie had had Billy promise to forget about the night before. Hand on his heart. And sure, they acted like nothing had happened. Like Charlie hadn’t acted all weird. Like Billy hadn’t kissed someone (had Billy even kissed someone before??). Like things were like they had always been. And as they were grilling some marshmallows over the open fire, things sure seemed normal. Until Billy had suggested the whole truth or dare thing that is.

“Isn’t that a bit strange if it is just the two of us”, Charlie said, looking into the fire to avoid looking into Billy’s eyes.

“It’s only strange if you make it strange”, Billy quickly replied and leaned over Charlie to reach the almost empty bag of marshmallows.

Charlie felt like he had been challenged. He wasn’t going to make it weird. He could keep it un-weird. Right?

“Okay Chip, I’ll go first you coward. Dare.”

He sounded so fearless. How could he be so relaxed? This wasn’t anything they usually did. Truth or dare? Charlie was totally out of his comfort zone and was struggling to organize his thoughts. His mind wandering off to where these sort of games suddenly ended up. Confessions. Kisses. Soft hands on shy bodies acting bold. But this was his best friend. That sort of stuff wouldn’t happen between them. 

“Hmm”, he desperately tried to come up with something, anything. “I dare you to stuff your mouth with as many marshmallows as you possibly can.”

He started giggling, especially when he looked at Billy’s questioning face. 

“You’re impossible”, Billy laughed but true to the game, he started shuffling one marshmallow after the other into his gaping mouth. 

“Is that eight?”, Charlie screamed, almost jumping. “You’re unbelievable! I present to the world: Billy Black! America’s top marshmallow champion!”

That made Billy laugh so hard the slightly saliva-damaged marshmallows fell out on his pants. 

“Your turn”, he said after washing his mouth with some water. “Truth or dare?”

Charlie tried to calm himself and went safe, choosing the first option. Billy looked kind of disappointed, hissing  _ coward _ before he theatrically started to come up with a great question. The sugary white was burning in the warm orange. The mosquitoes attacking their calves. 

“Have you ever been in love with someone?”

Charlie should had put on some sort of repellent. Tomorrow his legs would be full of itchy bites. Would he even be able to sleep tonight?

“Yes of course, or I mean, I don’t know”, Charlie said with a tiny voice. “Maybe. I think so.”

“Who?”, Billy asked curiously. 

His eyes were glittering in the dark. Charlie wanted to tell him so badly. Tell him how he wasn’t so sure anymore. Wasn’t sure if they could keep being best friends. Tell him that he was sorry, sorry for falling for him, growing in love with him. Instead he said:

“That’s a second question. You got one question! Now it’s your turn.”

“Okay okay Mister Charlie Brown, then I’ll do truth as well.”

“Was Esme your first kiss?”, Charlie asks before having the time to stop himself.

Billy waves away a swarm of mosquitos and clears his throat. 

“Why would you ask that?”

“You can’t ask that, that’s not part of the game.”

“I’m just curious: why did you ask me?”

“Well  _ I’m just curious _ . Now tell me.”

It’s obvious that the atmosphere changed the second Charlie asked the question.

“You know I tell you everything, so I don’t understand why you think I would keep something like that from you”, Billy said, seemingly a bit upset.

“You still haven’t answered my question”, Charlie pushed back.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”, Charlie asked, feeling his heart sprinting.

“Yes she was my first kiss. If I had kissed someone before I would’ve told you.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you have told me?”, Charlie was starting to feel scared of himself.

Where was he going with this? Was he trying to destroy his own life? Sentence himself to death?

“Because I would tell you everything you want to hear”, Billy said and then he looked at Charlie in such a way that made Charlie’s world flip upside-down and inside-out once twice maybe fourteen times within a few seconds. 

He couldn’t help but look away. He was reading too much into this.

“Truth or dare?”, Billy asked and crumpled up the plastic bag now without marshmallows.

“Truth”, Charlie quickly replied.

“You can’t just always pick truth, that’s not fun”, Billy complained.

“But I just did. Now: truth.”

“Have  _ you  _ ever kissed anyone?”

Charlie had lied before. Told some guys in his biology class about a girl called Stephanie or Sue or Samantha or whatever who he apparently had made out with at summer camp. It wasn’t just that it never had happened, Stephanie/Sue/Samantha hadn’t ever existed. It was so easy to lie about it. But this was Billy. He couldn’t lie to him. He had never been able to. Billy always knew when he was lying and facing Billy after lying was way worse than telling him the truth.

“No”, he admitted.

It was quiet. Oh so quiet. The swooshing of the wind had seemed to take a break and the fire was slowly dying, the crackling fading away.

“Have you ever wanted to?”

“I guess.”

“Have you ever thought about…”, Billy said but never finished the sentence.

“Thought about what?”

Charlie couldn’t help his racing mind. Was this really happening? It was all so surrealistic, he even thought about pinching himself to wake up from this absurd dream, but he didn’t want it to end. Wanted to know what Billy was wondering if Charlie had thought about. 

“It’s stupid”, he said trying to brush it off.

“You know I like stupid things”, Charlie tried to laugh but he just sounded even more nervous. 

“No, forget about it”, Billy said. “It’s my turn I choose dare.”

“Stop”, Charlie said. “What were you going to say? Tell me!”

He had no idea where this sudden rush of confidence came from, but he knew he had to ride the wave, before it was too late. Billy looked at him and took a deep breath.

“I was just wondering…”, he started but his voice started wavering, he took another breath. “I was just wondering if you have ever thought about kissing me.”

When Charlie first kissed Billy, the fire had just died out after it had started drizzling. Even though the fire was no longer warming them, Charlie had never felt so hot in his entire life. He was nervous, had no idea how he was supposed to do this. How he was meant to kiss someone, or even more importantly someone who was Billy. But he was acting out of pure instinct, for a few seconds letting go of everything that he was so scared of, even terrified of. When he pulled back he looked at Billy, his best friend, the person he was definitely very much in love with and he couldn’t not say it.

“I’m sorry, but I think I’m in love with you.”

“No need to be sorry, you know I will always forgive you”, Billy smiled and as he kissed Charlie again the raindrops mixed with his tears against his cheek. 

When they had escaped into the tent, lying close in the dark, Billy had whispered:

“You’re so stupid. It’s a good thing I will always forgive you, because I don’t think I could ever live without you. You’re stuck with me now. You know that right?”

But Charlie didn’t reply, he was already asleep, with a big smile on his face.

  
  


That summer passed away so quickly. Like a movie, it all flashed in front of his eyes. Sure, it was still Forks and the rainy days were far more than the sunny ones. But with Billy there with him, the days were all like a dream. It wasn’t all perfect, Charlie was scared and didn’t find the courage to tell his parents. Billy had pretended like it didn’t bother him, he was just happy to be with Charlie. But inside of him, the thoughts were rollercoastering. They went on hikes until their shoes were full with holes, swimming until their fingers were blue and hung out at  _ La Push _ , sneaking into a bathroom stall to hide from examining eyes. 

Charlie was so happy it hurt. 

Billy as well.

But like all good things, they come to an end. 

“You two look like fifty shades of fucked up”, laughed Carlisle when he joined them at the table. 

He was sweaty and was carrying a helmet under his arm. This guy always seemed terrified of dying. Better safe than sorry wasn’t even a cliché in his company. A few years had gone by now since the first time Carlisle had sat down with the two friends. The newly-moved-in doctor had approached Charlie at the supermarket. He had forgotten to bring something to eat to his fishing trip and Carlisle had been quick to socialise. The morning after he had joined Billy and Charlie to the lake. 

The young doctor was a fresh addition to the group. Sure, Renée’s absence had always and since the accident, the group was less of a group and more old friends hanging out. Especially after Harry’s passing. Carlisle always spoke his mind, and today was no exception. 

“Did I interrupt something?”, Carlisle said after a sip. “I’m no mind reader you guys.”

“No nothing”, sighed Billy. “Nothing extraordinary, just Charlie dealing with his inner demons.”

_ Charlie dealing with his inner demons _ . That was the problem. It had always been. Why couldn’t he just get his act together?

“What does the complicated life of Charlie Swan have to offer us tonight?”, Carlisle asked.

Conflicting emotions. A heart that didn’t know where to head. Years of acting like nothing was going on. Years of a cold one with his bro. Distance. Pretending like that summer had never happened. Pretending like he didn’t want to invent a time machine and go back to that summer to stop his younger self to not only break the only person who ever really mattered anything to him, except for his daughter, but also saving his own heart.

“Bells seeing this guy. And I accidentally ran over my fishing pole.”

Billy shook his head and headed towards the bar.  _ Such a coward.  _ Charlie let his head fall towards the table.

“Oh what the townspeople are missing! Forks hasn’t seen a party like tonight at La Push!”, Carlisle exclaimed as he waited for Charlie’s head to leave the table.

“Hey how are you? And how’s Billy? Things here are tense”, he said once he realised that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. 

“I’ve fucked up. I really fucked up”, Charlie mumbled against the sticky wood.

“Can’t be that bad, I’m sure you’ll fix it.”

And sure, Charlie had fixed a lot. But this. This was unfixable. Back then, when everything had gone to hell he had promised not only himself but also Billy. They would stay friends. They couldn’t afford to lose each other. And now Charlie was about to fuck it up. His heart was beating too fast and he didn’t know if he would be able to stop it before it was too late. Little did he know that it was already too late. There was no way back. 

  
  



	4. My Personal Brand of Heroin → Bella™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New moon, new moon  
> hand me my spoon.  
> Put some heroin on it  
> we’ll be high soon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! Don’t worry! There’s no need to panic! It’s here! The new chapter of your favourite fanfiction that brings you warmth and love in these difficult times! We didn’t forget about you! We think about you! And now it’s here! Enjoy, our darlings! Enjoy, this is for you!
> 
> TW drug abuse (don’t use drugs, if you have issues with drug abuse please contact your local health center, take care of yourselves)
> 
> TW we don’t know anything about drug overdoses
> 
> Have fuun:)

_ January, 15 _

_ How was your morning?? Hungover at all? Oh no u didn’t even drink, did you? Steve is over here whining how much his head hurts…-.- _ _   
_ _ Anywayyy- Mike, Steve and I wanted to hang out at La Push this afternoon😊 Care to join? _

_ XOXO- Jess _

__

_ January, 15 _

_ Hey Jess, _ _   
_ _ Sorry today I won’t make it. Tell the others I said hi please. _ _   
_ _ Hugs, Bella _

__

_ January, 15 _

_ Guuurl why? U have new friends now??? _ _   
_ _ U didn’t text that guy did you? Jk – I know u wouldn’t<3 _

__

_ January, 21 _

_ Hey Bellsie Bells _ _   
_ _ We missed u last week! What is up with you tho? How is the Job search going? _ _   
_ _ Love Jessica (ur BFF <3) _

__

_ February, 3 _

_ Beeeeeeeellaaa _ _   
_ _ U remember my uncle Brian? Yes - the weirdo who lives in his trailer and just eats fruit that is falling from trees by itself bc everything has a soul (even apples)… _

_ Well we went to get tattoos last week (can’t wait to show youuuu!!!) – AND HE IS BEST FRIENDS WITH THE OWNER OF A BUILDING FIRM IN SEATTLE! They are always looking for some fresh talents and he would recommend my Gurrrl (aka YOU) for an interview! Just give me a call and I will do the important stuff. But CALL ME! _

_ Kisses, Jess _

__

_ February, 19 _

_ Hi Jess, _

_ Sorry I have not texted in a while. I had to come to terms with some stuff that has happened and to get my mind straight about where I am standing. _ _   
_ _ Thank you for the offer but I can't always wait for the next opportunity just to not succeed. I found a job in Forks and want to concentrate on making some money. I am becoming a burden to Charlie already and I do not want that. _

_ I would love to meet up some time, but I am busy with organizing my move. _

_ Please don’t judge me – I am moving in with my new boyfriend. Edward Masen. Things happened to him that are not his fault. The world was hard on him, but we somehow work good together and I feel comfortable when I am around him. I cannot be too much around people who cannot accept that. I hope you can someday – that day I would love to meet you again. _

_ Bella _

__

_ February, 19 _

_ Bells, _

_ Why didn’t you tell me earlier? _

_ You know I am on your side girl and so is Steve. We would love to go on a double date! But girl - Sure you don’t want me to get you that interview? It's worth a try don’t you think? The College-bills must be worth SOMETHING as my Grandma would say😊 _

_ I am happy to hear from you. _

_ Love Jess _

__

_ February, 22 _

_ Hey Bella _

_ You need help with the move? Me carrying something? _

_ -Jess _

__

_ February, 27 _

_ Bella – I am starting to get pissed – and I am the most peaceful person I know. _ _   
_ _ I even went to a Yoga-Festival once! _ __   
_ BUT It's just not right of you to cut people out of your life like that. We used to be a team remember? All I want from you is a note that you are O.K. – Or at least tell me to FUCK OFF! But Ghosting – that’s just lame girl. _ _   
_ __ -Jess

__

_ March, 8 _

_ Bella. I was at your Dads today. He was home - and he looks worried. He would be so happy for you to visit once in a while. Love u! _

_ -Jess _

__

_ April _

_ May _

_ June _

Bella took off her vest and hung it in her locker.

“Bye Mel, I am off for today.” Mel, her obese manager, well in his fifties, gave her a affirmative grunt. He wasn’t a very communicative person. Bella liked that. He would let her do her work without ever trying to do smalltalk or being funny. And doing her work was all she came here for. She needed the money, so she came back every time. It was as simple as that.

All week, except Sunday, she either stood behind the counter or filled up the shelves at the local Dollar Plus in Forks. 

In the beginning it had made her feel uncomfortable when old classmates recognized her while she was restacking toothbrushes or toilet paper, but eventually she had stopped caring about it and everyone got used to it.

It hadn’t been many people to recognize her anyway and she had never been more grateful that Charlie just got all he ever needed at Walmart and Jessica lived with her mother and went shopping in Seattle if she needed anything else.

She checked her phone. One missed call from Charlie. Bella felt a sting in her chest whenever she thought of him but she just could not be too much around him. Not now that there was Edward in her life. He needed her – and she needed him as well. He was the part of her, she had always been missing. They got each other somehow. Charlie would try to get involved and that was not an option.

Choosing to build a life with him would not be easy – it wasn’t easy – but she had been making the easy choices for far too long. In the past couple of months, she had learned how life could be if you were not born as privileged as she had been. It was time for her now to give back. To get her hands dirty. To work and earn money for her and her partner.

She crossed the parking lot and sat down in the front seat of her truck. It was a sunny day. One of the rare ones Forks had to offer its citizens. Bella let herself sink in in the front seat. The warm sunlight tickled her nose and brushed over her eyelids. Suddenly she felt how tired she was. It had been a long day. Tracy had called in sick this morning, so she had covered her afternoon shift. It was ok - meant more money.

The sun was already almost disappearing behind the hills. She let herself slide even lower in the seat to get the very best from the last warm sun rays of the day. As always, the sun reminded her of Renee. Her mom had always mocked her, about how pale she was. And she had laughed with her and cracked jokes about wanting a tanning bank for her birthday. Bella caught herself smiling.

But suddenly the memory of her mum, laughing and winking on their front porch was gone. Different memories flashed into her head. Before she knew it, the was sitting bolt upright in her seat, breathing heavily. And her throat was hurting – had she screamed? She turned her head carefully to check for other people in the cars around her. No one there. Thank goodness.

She checked the time. Shit. Already half past nine. Edward would – Her phone rang. She found her smile back. On their first date he had told her that he laughed “Clair de lune” as well.

“Hey Babe, I am just about to come home. “

It was silent on the other end. Dangerously silent. Then Edward took a deep breath.

“What do you mean  _ Babe _ ? – You know I am mad so don’t try to play nice you hear me?”

“Wha- Yes sure. I’m sorry.”

“You are sorry? To who again?”

“I am sorry Edward. I am so sorry it just took longer today. My colleague, she…”

“You know I get worried really fast. You could have texted. But what’s done is done. We will talk at home.”

Bella wanted to answer but Edward had already hung up.

\---

Bella drove home fast. If a police car would spot her right now, she would get pulled over, she would have to pay a fee - Charlie would know. She pushed the breaks a little but just a minute later she caught herself at speeding up again. She had to hurry. Whenever Edward got into one of his bad places he was unpredictable.

Bella had lived through a few of his sessions by now. She never knew when it would happen again. One wrong word of someone could cause him to work himself up into a tantrum. One time she had woken up in the morning to find him standing in front of their portable home. Pale, with a tortured look on his face, wearing nothing but his scarlet-red bathrobe. 

Another time, when he had experienced a bad trip, he had walked all the way into the city center. Bella had found him just in time, when he was about to undress himself in the middle of the street, where a few dozen people were about to attend a service at the local Baptist church. She had pushed him into a dark alley, where nobody would see them.

This had been a dark day for his drug addiction but a bright one for their relationship. He had been so high, he had mistaken her for a ghost. He had been scared, but when he finally recognized her, he had told her “I love you” for the first time. 

After that he had started to open up to her. Told her about his drug problems. Weed, shrooms, - but mostly he struggled with crack. In tears he begged her not to hate him. To not leave him alone with this. He had been alone all his life.

What girlfriend would she be, to leave him in a state like that? There were good and bad days. Or good days and bad weeks. Periods of time, where he wasn't able to get out of bed, where they had to cut short on food and basic supplies to pay for the crack. Bella wanted him to stop - but she couldn't stop him. All she could do was to try to provide a sort of healthy environment for him, get him to eat properly and to come up with the money to survive. 

As it had turned out, Edward did not work for the club in Seattle on a regular basis. He got called in for a few gigs, whenever they needed him. Apart from that, he had different managing jobs in clubs and bars across the city. But his addiction kept him from ever really pursuing his dreams of being the manager of his own club, with his own team of roadies and contracts with local-celeb bands.

After they had gone out for about two weeks, when she met him at his place for the first time, she had learned that he was not a bad musician himself. He had played on his keyboard for her. Bella was convinced that he would look great on a stage, playing on a shiny grand piano.

But as long as his addiction had control over his life Bella was sure that this daydream of hers would remain just that - a dream. But what did it matter? The most important thing was to be with him. She was willing to give herself fully - she had never felt like that with anyone before.

Bella drove down the bumpy road and stopped at the end of the street. Quickly she jumped out of the car and hurried towards the front door. But when she pushed down the handle the door didn’t open. She tried it again - nothing.

“Edward??” He had to be home. “Edward! Are you home? Open the door.”

For a moment she thought he maybe had gone out again, walked into the woods somewhere. Together they had escaped the noise and problems of the world many times. While hiking through the forest for hours, they had had some of their deepest conversations. They had even found a secret clearing further out, where no one would ever disturb them.

But then she heard steps inside, coming towards the door. A key was turned around, then the door was opened. Bella looked up to Edward and his look was distressing. The shadows under his eyes were darker than ever, almost having a purple tone to them. His eyes almost appeared black, as they almost seemed to Bella when he was furious. His hair was messy and he wore nothing but his scarlet bathrobe and some old Calvin Klein boxers.

“Sorry - I assumed you wouldn’t care to show up anyway today so I locked the door. You never know who could be walking in on you.”

His voice was deep but cold and clear as crystal. It cut into Bella’s heart like a knife.

“Edward - How - how could you even say something like that. I told you on the phone I-”

“You think I don’t know that I am a burden to you - but guess what? I know. I am used to being treated like that. So stop lying to me. Just tell me his name.”

“What?”

“You are not setting one foot into this house until you tell me his name.”

Bella didn’t even know what to say. She knew Edward was a possessive man. She had to admit that she even thought that was one of the attractive traits about him. She liked the feeling of being wanted - but this just had reached a whole nother level. She was tired from work. She had worked all day to earn money for  _ him _ . Frustration and anger started to built up in her chest.

“You are being ridiculous. Honestly. Step aside I’m tired.”

With these words, totally shocked by her own ruthlessness, she simply pushed him aside and went through the door. 

She walked straight through the tiny living room towards the bathroom. She went in and locked the door quickly, before she could make out what Edwards' reaction would be. She turned to the mirror. She also was pale - ok, that was nothing new but still. She had shadows under her eyes. She was tired. She splashed some cold water on her face and held her wrists under the water-jet to cool them. 

Then a fist hit the door hard, again and again. Edward was screaming.

“You whore you bloody whore!!! What are you thinking just walking past me like that?? WHO - THE - HELL- YOU - THINK - YOU - ARE???” 

He had never lost his temper like that before. Bella stood as silent as a lamb that faces a lion, just that she was staring at the bathroom door. Would it hold if Edward tried to break through it? Who knew what he had taken. He had never been aggressive like that. Not towards her - but there was a first time for everything as it seemed.

She found herself on the bathroom floor, covering her ears with her hands, crying quietly. She felt like a little girl again. She pushed the memories away. But it was hard, while the banging on the door continued. 

Then suddenly, to Bella it had felt like a lifetime, the hitting stopped and it became quiet again. She could even hear water drops falling from the drain. She just sat on the floor and waited, but nothing happened.

Carefully, slowly she rose back to her feet. Putting her ear on the door, she tried to guess where he was.

She had not heard the front door closing, so he had to be inside the house. That meant he was either right behind the door, sitting on the couch or in the bedroom.

What would he do to her if she opened the door? Did he just stay silent to get her to feel safe enough to come out? Bella held her breath for one more second. She turned the key around carefully. Nothing happened. She turned the doorknob. Silence.

The living room was all quiet. When Bella slowly opened the door fully and stepped outside she was ready to be jumped by a furious Edward. But nothing happened. For some reason she wasn't relieved. Where was he? Had he left the house? Bella knew he had not. And that meant he was here somewhere. It was the silence that worried her. 

“Edward?” 

Her voice sounded small and quiet, but she did not try again.

Suddenly she heard a noise. A cracking mumbling. She bolted through the room, suddenly alarmed. Behind the ragged sofa, -

“Edward!”

He was lying on his back. Eyes closed. Still he was making some noises, growling. Not growls of rage but of pain. Foam and vomit were dripping out of his mouth and onto the dusty carpet. Bella was in shock. And she panicked. Just that the combination of these both extreme states caused her to freeze again for a few heartbeats. A whimper escaped her lips. 

Then she finally got her act together. She jumped over the sofa and next to Edward.

Now she was shouting:

“Edward! Open your eyes! Don't do this to me! You open your eyes right now!”

She was able to tell that he was not completely fainted yet but he would be soon. He wasn't able to breathe. With a strength that she would have never expected her body to possess, she lifted up his torso and held him up, his head now facing downwards. She hit on his back, strongly with her flat hand, like Renee had always done with her, when she had swallowed something up as a child.

To her relief, it actually seemed to help. His cough reflex was activated and he spat out a mix of vomit, spit and blood, the latter running from his nose. Some of it dripped on Bella’s jeans and shirt but that was the least thing she cared about at this point. 

When he had finished spitting, and started to suck air into his lungs Bella let out a hysterical laugh. It sounded weird in the given situation but she had no control over her emotions anymore. The alleviation she felt was too big. He would live. She would not have his death on her hands.  _ What an egoistic thought. _ But she had no time to think about that now.

He was breathing now, but he was still unconscious. Who knew what he had taken. 

She looked around. First she noticed the pipe laying on the sofa. He had smoked in the house again - like he often did, even though they had fought about it so many times. 

But could cause crack alone cause such a reaction? She tried to lie Edward down in recovery position. When she pulled his arm out to support his head with it, she noticed the syringe. The needle was still injected in his skin. She pulled it out without thinking about it and let out a cry.

“Why you fucking idiot? Why would you ever do this to me?”

She was frustrated, angry and helpless at the same time. So apparently he took heroin as well and had overdosed.

And what was she supposed to do?

He had to go to the hospital of course. Would she have to watch Charlie taking him straight to prison afterwards? Would it break his heart to see her daughter with a criminal?

That was secondary right now. Bella took out her phone. The phone call was quickly made, though her voice was cracking and she caught herself almost screaming at the woman on the phone to send an ambulance as quickly as possible.

The woman assured her that her colleagues would be on their way and told her to stay calm and stay with him.

After the call Bella sat on the floor and tried to figure out what to do next. Something had to be done, in case the police would search their house. The paramedics would probably call the cops straight away when they got here, and there were drugs laying around.

One more time she made sure Edward was still breathing. Then she jumped up, grabbed a plastic bag off the floor stuffed in the syringe and the pipe. On the table she still found some remains of various substances, Edward seemed to have laid out and took one by one, while she had been at work.

She could picture him vividly, getting worked up in jealousy. She grabbed everything she saw that could indicate possession of drugs. A grinder with some weed in it, a baggy with more weed, some remainances of crack and - as it seemed heroin, as well as a half filled bottle of Xanax. 

Of course she did not know how many hiding spots there were in the house. But she decided on hoping that Edward had not had enough money or self control to hoard drugs somewhere. She ran out of the house and kept running as fast as she could, until she reached what she was looking for. A little pond not far from their house, but well hidden in the woods. She picked up a stone from the floor, stuffed him into the bag with the rest of the evidence and scuppered all of it in the muddy water. She waited a split second to make sure it sunk down. Then she bolted back to the house. She prayed that she had not wasted too much time. 

Edward was still laying on the floor. Apparently he had vomited again, since next to his mouth there was a new puddle forming. But thanks to the recovery position, he was at least not choking on it.

Then she heard the sirens. Help was on the way.


End file.
